Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.
Q: Why did the farmer move his wifi into his farm?
A: For a more stable connection.
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
Q: Did you hear about the pig who was stealing from his neighbor?
A: Turns out there was more there than meets the sty.
Farm Jokes
Q: Did you hear about the wooden tractor?
A: It had wooden wheels, a wooden engine, wooden transmission, and wooden work!
Being a farmer isn’t for everyone.
But hay, it’s in my jeans.
Q: Did you hear the one about the band playing at the farm?
A: The drummer thought he was hidden, but it was obvious he was playing behind the beet.
Q: How did the farmer find his lost cow?
A: He tractor down.
Q: How did the organic vegetable die?
A: Natural causes.
What do you call a farm that grows bad jokes?
A: Corny!
Q: This drought has really killed my spice farm.
A: I don’t have the thyme to harvest.
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: Where’s popcorn?
Q: What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
A: “It’s pasture bedtime!”
Q: What do you call a cow with no calf?
A: Decaffeinated.
Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean beef.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.
Q: What do you call a small pork farm?
A: A hamlet.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Q: What do you call the boss at Old McDonald’s Farm?
A: The CIEIO.
Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A: An eggroll!
Q: What do you get when you cross a farmer and some trendy headphones?
A: Beets by Dre.
Q: What do you get when you pamper a cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What does a farmer talk about when milking his cows?
A: Udder nonsense.
Q: What farm animal keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog.
Q: What grows under your nose?
A: Tulips!
Q: What happened when the cow laughed?
A: Milk came out of her nose!
Q: What happened when the farmer told the dog a joke about the sheep?
A: The dog said he’d herd them all.
Q: What happens when you run out of manure on a farm?
A: You have to make doo.
Q: What is a farmer’s favorite Bruce Springsteen song?
A: Born in the USDA.
Q: What is a happy farmer’s favorite candy?
A: A Jolly Rancher.
Q: What is a horse’s favorite sport?
A: Stable tennis!
Q: What is a scarecrow’s favorite treat?
A: Straw-berries!
Q: What kinds of pigs know karate?
A: Pork chops.
Q: What new crop did the farmer plant?
A: Beets me.
Q: What type of horses only go out at night?
A: Nightmares!
Q: What’s it called when a tractor waits at a pedestrian crossing?
A: Crop yield.
Q: What’s the quietest animal on a farm?
A: The shhhheep.
Q: Where was the horse with a lisp born?
A: The horsepital.
Q: Why are farmers cruel?
A: Because they pull corn by the ears.
Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He’s got no beef.
Q: Why did the cow get lost in the farmer’s field?
A: It was a maize.
Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A: The farmer had cold hands.
Q: Why did the farmer bury his money in a field?
A: He wanted to make his soil rich.
Q: Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.
Q: Why did the farmer plow her field with a steamroller?
A: Because she wanted to grow mashed potatoes!
Q: Why did the pig dump her boyfriend?
A: Because he was a real boar.
Q: Why did the pig take a bath?
A: The farmer said “hogwash”!
Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play.
Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
A: Because he was out standing in his field!
Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
A: Because they lactose!
Q: Why do cows like being told jokes?
A: Because they like being amoosed.
Q: Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession?
A: Every day is a hare-raising experience.
