Q: You’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe beside you, and a lion nipping at your heels. What do you do?
A: Get off the carousel!
Q: What’s the difference between horses and zebras?
A: Zebras are just horses that have escaped from prison.
Q: A horse walks into a bar. What does the barman do?
A: He offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.
Horse Jokes
Q: A pony went to the doctor complaining about a sore throat. What did the doctor say?
A: “It’s OK, you’re just a little horse.”
Q: Have you heard the story about the runaway horse?
A: It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!
Q: How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse?
A: The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.
Q: How do horses cast their vote?
A: By saying yay or neigh!
Q: How do you get a jockey to wait a moment?
A: Tell him to hold his horses!
Q: A horse walks into a bar. What does the barman ask?
A: “Why the long face?”
Q: How much money does a bronco have?
A: A buck.
Q: What happened to the racehorse that had excellent breeding?
A: After he left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.
Q: I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! What happened to the others?
A: Unfortunately, all the others came in at 12:30.
Q: A horse walks into a bar. What does the barman say?
A: “Hey,” to which the horse replies, “Yes please.”
Q: What did the spontaneous horse do?
A: Changed its mind in the spur of the moment!
Q: What did the horse say after it fell over?
A: “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up!”
Q: What did the mare say to her foal?
A: “Hay, it’s pasture bedtime!”
Q: What disease are horses most scared of getting?
A: Hay fever.
Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?
A: Sherbet (sure-bet).
Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: A neigh-bor.
Q: What do you call a horse that’s a world traveler?
A: A globe-trotter!
Q: What do you call a well-balanced horse?
A: Stable.
Q: What do you give a sick horse?
A: A cough stirrup.
Q: What do you say to a horse after it loses a bet?
A: Pony up!
Q: What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?
A: Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
Q: What kind of bread does a horse eat?
A: Thoroughbred.
Q: What sort of horses come out after dark?
A: Nightmares.
Q: What’s a racehorse’s favorite thing to eat?
A: Fast food.
Q: What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about learning to horseback ride?
A: The ground.
Q: Where do horses get their hair done?
A: At the hair saloon.
Q: Where do horses go when they’re sick?
A: The horse-pital.
Q: Where do newlywed horses stay after their wedding?
A: In the bridle suite!
Q: Which type of cheese do horses like best?
A: Masc-a-pony.
Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Someone shouted hay!
Q: Why did the horse leave the door open?
A: Because grew up in a barn!
Q: Why did the horse run away in the middle of its wedding?
A: It got colt feet!
Q: Why did the man stand behind the horse?
A: He got a kick out of it.
Q: Why do cowboys ride horses?
A: Because they’re too heavy to carry.
Q: Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with racehorses?
A: They don’t stand around furlong!
Q: Why is Mayo the best name for a horse?
A: Because when he talks, you can say “Mayo neighs!”
Q: Why was the horse feeling so stressed?
A: It was saddled with responsibility!
