Q: What’s the best way to remember your wife’s birthday?
A: Forget it once.
Q: What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
A: They were all born on holidays.
Q: What should you say if someone gives you dirt on your birthday?
A: “I appreciate the sediment.”
Birthday Jokes
Q: What did the boy say when his parents hired a clown for his birthday party?
A: Thanks, I really appreciate the jester.
Q: What did the bald man say when he was given a comb as a present for his birthday?
A: Thanks, I’ll never part with it.
Q: Why did the man get heartburn every time he ate birthday cake?
A: He didn’t take the candles off.
Q: What did the Buddhist say to his birthday party guests while serving cake?
A: May piece be with you.
Q: Was anyone famous born on your birthday?
A: No, just a bunch of babies.
Q: Why did the student eat his homework on his birthday?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Q: Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties?
A: He’s a fun guy.
Q: What goes up and never comes down?
A: Your age.
Q: What do you get a hunter as a birthday present?
A: A birthday pheasant.
Q: What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?
A: Get married on his birthday.
Q: What did one candle say to the other?
A: “Birthdays just burn me up.”
Q: Did you hear about the birthday candle sale?
A: It was a big blowout!
Q: Did you hear about the tree’s birthday party?
A: Things got pretty sappy!
Q: How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
A: They relish the moment.
Q: How do you know when you’re officially old?
A: When it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Q: Did you hear about the risk behind birthdays?
A: Yeah, too many can kill you.
Q: What are birthdays good for your health?
A: Because people who have more birthdays live longer.
Q: What did one plate say to the other on its birthday?
A: “Dinner’s on me!”
Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the safety pin?
A: “Hey, buster!”
Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
A: Cake and mice cream.
Q: What’s an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
A: Shortcake.
Q: What’s one thing you’re guaranteed to get on your birthday?
A: A year older.
Q: Why did the math book have such a great birthday?
A: It took the day off from thinking about all its problems.
Q: Why does popcorn always have great birthday parties?
A: Because they’re always popping.
Q: What did one candle say to the other?
A: Don’t birthdays just light you up?”
Q: What did the basketball player do before blowing out his birthday cake?
A: He made a swish.
Q: What did the cake say to the birthday girl?
A: You wanna piece of me?
Q: What did the fork ask the sad birthday cake?
A: “What’s eating you up?”
Q: What did the horse wish for on its birthday?
A: A stable economy.
Q: What did the pirate say on this 80th birthday party?
A: Aye, matey!
Q: What did the toilet paper do when his friends threw him a surprise birthday party?
A: He just rolled with it.
Q: What didn’t the teddy bear eat cake on its birthday?
A: He was already stuffed!
Q: What do monsters serve at their birthday parties?
A: I scream cake.
Q: What does it mean if no one shows up to your birthday party?
A: You can have your cake and eat it, too
Q: What is Moby Dick’s favorite way to celebrate his birthday?
A: By having a whale of a time.
Q: What kind of music is scary for birthday balloons?
A: Pop music.
Q: What should you say to the sad 99 year old on their birthday?
A: Cheer up! Old age doesn’t last that long.
Q: What will happen if you invite a thief to your birthday party?
A: They will take the cake!
Q: When is a birthday cake similar to a golf ball?
A: When it’s sliced.
Q: Why are birthdays good for your health?
A: Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays actually live longer.
Q: Why couldn’t the knot go to his friend’s birthday party?
A: He was all tied up.
Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing happy birthday?
A: She was feeling a little hoarse.
Q: Why did the birthday boy smash his cake with a hammer?
A: Because it was a pound cake.
Q: Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
A: It was feeling crumby.
Q: Why did the birthday girl feel so warm at her birthday party?
A: People kept toasting her!
Q: Why did the woman celebrate her birthday for only 30 seconds?
A: It was her 32nd birthday.
Q: Why don’t kids remember much about their past birthday parties?
A: They’re too focused on the present.
Q: Why don’t owls give each other birthday gifts?
A: Because they don’t give a hoot!
Q: Why was the birthday cake hard as a rock?
A: It was a marble cake.
Q: Why was the soccer player upset on his birthday?
A: Someone gave him a red card.
